My Life as a Zombie

A little after midnight, I finally got around to putting my stuff into bags. Cristina had taken all our suitcases, so my only options were duffel bags. I took the two biggest ones and loaded them up. Cristina had asked me to bring two boxes of organic oatmeal from Costco, and they took up quite a bit of room. So when both bags were full, I still had a big stack of clothes that weren’t packed yet.

It was 1 am. To buy a suitcase would mean going to Wal-Mart, which I really didn’t want to do. Jim had already done so much for us by taking Vivien, but he was the only one whom I knew I could call after 1 in the morning. I called him up and sure enough, he had several suitcases he could loan me, though I only needed one.

I drove to Jim’s house, got a huge suitcase, and headed back home. I knew I had a few more hours to go before I could sleep, and I was a little hungry, so I stopped at Jack in the Box and got some mini sirloin burgers. They hit the spot, but it did feel a little weird eating burgers and fries at 2 in the morning. Like I was back in college or something.

I was finally packed by 4 am, and was so tired that I knew I could do no more without some sleep. I had already changed the sheets on our bed, and wanted to keep them fresh and clean for our guests, so I set the alarm and fell asleep on top of the sheets.

The alarm went off at 6. I showered and headed to the car wash. I got there before they opened. My stomach felt weird from the lack of sleep (and no doubt the 2 am burgers and fries) so I didn’t eat breakfast. I bought an orange juice at the car wash and drank it while I watched them clean the van.

Being at the car wash when it opened paid off, because I got done quickly and got to work by 8:15 (class started at 8:30). The last day of summer school is always occupied with doing final grades and check-out procedures. I felt like a complete zombie, slowly sleepwalking my way through the day. At lunch, I got my stuff checked-off at the front office (so I could leave as soon as the day was over) and went to the cafeteria to buy some lunch. I hate the school food, but I had only had orange juice and I needed something. To my surprise, they gave me a free lunch: pizza and salad, carrots and celery, and a brownie. And it was pretty tasty. I never thought I’d say that about the school cafeteria food.

I made it home by 2:30 and set the timer on the stove to go off at 5 pm. At 5, I needed to hop in the shower in time to be picked up by Roben’s son, Ian. I frantically worked on the top priorities remaining on my list: tidying up the living room, putting clean covers on the sofa, putting the back porch stuff back in place (it was in the grass from when I had cleaned off the patio). I listened to NPR while I did this and heard when Michael Jackson was first reported dead. Shocking, but not enough to deter me from my duties.

Vivien had spent a lot of time penned up in the dining room the last week, and had peed and pooped several times. I hadn’t cleaned it all up yet, and that was one of the top priorities that needed to be dealt with. But I kept putting it off and putting it off. Soon it looked like I wouldn’t even have time for that, but I could not leave pee on the floor. So I did a super-fast mop job.

At 4:30, Frontier Airlines called. My flight was cancelled due to bad weather in Denver. She asked if I’d be able to make another flight, now scheduled to leave at 7:45. Since my original flight left at 7:40, this seemed like no big deal, but it sounded like I needed to be there a little earlier than usual. I jumped in the shower.

5:30: time for Ian to pick me up. Aughh! I still hadn’t wiped off the table, which was covered with crumbs. Nor had I cleaned the sticky kitchen counter or washed the last dishes. I would have to leave it all. The shame.

My plan to be there earlier than usual failed (big shock, right?). Ian ran a little late, and I got to the airport by 6. The terminal was strangely empty and quiet. The few people in front of me in line were being told that they’d have to take another flight the next day. They hadn’t gotten the phone call I had, and I figured out it was because I was connecting to Costa Rica. These other people were just going to Denver, so they were being rescheduled for Friday. When I got to the counter, the Frontier guy was hesitant to check me in on the overbooked replacement flight. “It’s looking like tomorrow,” he said. “No,” I said. I had originally booked my flight on Monday the 29th, but when the Thursday flight opened up, I paid the $150 fee to change my departure date and have 4 extra days in Costa Rica with my family. When I told him this, he clicked some more buttons with a palpable sense of pessimism. His mouth said “I’ll check you in,” but his body language said “I’ll put you on stand-by where you don’t have a chance in Hell of leaving Phoenix tonight.” As he checked me in, he found my name already in the system for the flight. His attitude perked up a bit because my chances of having a seat were now greatly increased. I figured I was in the system because the lady had called me at 4:30. Whew! Good thing I had been there for the call.

I had checked the weight of Jim’s massive suitcase before I left home, but at the last minute I stuck one last thing in there. As it now sat on the scale, the read-out said 50.5 lbs. The guy looked at the scale. “Am I going to have to take something out?” I said with my best, exhausted-zombie voice. “Looks like 50 to me,” he said as he attached the baggage label to it. I was starting to like this guy.

When I went through security, the screeners said my container of shampoo exceeded 4 ounces. I didn’t think it did, but I was still worried about catching my flight, so I let it go. They asked if I wanted to go back and put it in my checked bag or fill out paperwork to mail it to my home. Yeah, right. It was in a nice Nalgene container, but it wasn’t worth that much trouble.

At the gate, the 7:45 flight was now delayed till 9 (“will update” was the status). The plane was en route from Omaha to Denver, then to Phoenix. The Frontier guys assured me that the flight would not be cancelled, and I should make it to Denver with 20 minutes to catch my connection to Costa Rica.

About 15 minutes later, the flight was updated to 10 o’clock. Now there was no way I could make my connection. Frontier called the 5 Costa Rica passengers up to the counter to discuss the good news and bad news. The bad news was that we were not going to make our connection. The good news was that they were going to find another flight for us on another airline.

After several tries, they booked us flights on Continental, via Houston, leaving Phoenix at 5 am. It was about 7:30.

I had to get my luggage again. Then I called Roben and asked her if Ian could pick me up again. The other passengers were just going to snooze in the airport until the 3 am check-in, but since I lived only 5 minutes form the airport, I wanted to go home. Plus, I needed to wipe the table off.

While I waited for Ian, I called Cristina in Costa Rica via Skype on my laptop. Ain’t technology grand? I let her know what was going on and told her I’d call her from home with more details later.

If I’d stayed at the airport, I would have faced eating overpriced fast food for dinner. Back home, I cooked myself a real dinner: panko-breaded talapia, yellow rice, organic broccoli, tater tots. Totally pigged out. I watched Farrah Fawcett/Michael Jackson stuff on TV while I ate.

I got things done that I thought I’d had to leave, like the table and the dishes, and moving something from the suitcase to the duffel bag. One last thing had to be figured out: a ride to the airport at 2:30 in the morning. A taxi costs $16, so I was prepared for that, but I thought I’d try Jim, just in case. He was happy to take me to the airport. What an amazing help he’s been!

I got to bed around midnight, once again lying on top of the clean sheets.