Snot Man
In 1991, to promote the movie The Rocketeer, the Oaks 10 had a contest. Patrons were invited to create their own superhero and make a short film. Entries would be judged by management and the winners received prizes. The grand prize was a skydiving trip for two. Riley was the assistant manager in charge of the promotion.
There was one problem. The deadline was approaching, and Riley only had one submission. He was desperate for the promotion to at least appear to be successful (bonus pay may have been on the line).
I still had my parents's Handycam, and the guys and I already made short films for fun in our spare time. Riley knew this and asked if I would enter the contest, even though I was an employee. Like I said, he was desperate.
I took some footage Burt, Dom and I had already shot (some of our random late-night craziness) gave it a bit of editing, and added some cheesy voiceover. The impromptu footage--showing Burt apparently stopping a moving car with his bare hands--became the superhero film Average Man. The name Average Man seemed to fit the fact that our hero (Burt) wore street clothes instead of a costume. The editing was rough, the footage dark and shaky, but I entered it.
Another guy I worked with, Roc (his name was Rob but a misprint on his name tag kind of stuck), wanted to make an entry called Snot Man, about a superhero who has amazing sinus abilities. It was silly and fun, and I agreed to help him. I starred as the bad guy, Jack Weasel, donning a jester's hat and some goofy bat glasses we'd found in an empty movie theater. Riley even helped us. We shot the whole thing in one night. I think about 5 or 6 theater people were involved in some way. The climax of the 4-minute film had Snot Man snotting on me (to the death) in a post office parking lot. The snot was a random mixture of salad dressing and other condiments.
Despite the graphic death-by-bodily-fluids of Snot Man, it only finished in third place (out of three entries, i.e. last place). I blame the editing, which was so horrible it was practically unwatchable. In 1991, no one had editing equipment, and digital editing on a computer was still close to 10 years away. Hell, I didn't even own a computer yet. So I had to edit the primitive way: with one VCR playing and a second VCR manually recording and pausing as needed. It was crude as hell, and the finished product looked it.
The one legitimate entry (it was pretty bad too) won second place. And Average Man won the grand prize! Riley never got around to hooking us up with the skydiving trip though. Major letdown.
Snot Man 2
Average Man disappeared into the mists of obscurity, but Snot Man became legendary. Everyone at the theater knew about it, and if anyone hadn't seen it, they wanted to. All Average Man did was stop a car with his hands. Snot Man killed the bad guy with his snot! Rumor always makes things better than they actually are, right? Soon, I decided to make a proper sequel. Unlike the make-it-up-as-we-go technique, I actually planned out a story using various locations around Gainesville. I maintained some of the bits from the original (as per the official crappy sequel formula) such as a work-out scene, and a climactic snotting.
Snot Man 2, with Roc as Snot Man and me as Jack Weasel, was also filmed in one night. To avoid the crappy post-editing, I edited mostly in-camera (that is, I'd start shooting exactly where I wanted the shot to begin, and if we messed up, I'd back the tape up to the same spot and do it over. Tedious, but it produced a much cleaner final product).
Part of Snot Man 2 was filmed in my parents' apartment (they were living in Gainesville too). We shot those scenes in the middle of the night, and we couldn't be too loud for fear of waking my parents up. So even though it's the big climactic fight scene, we never really raise our voices. Comical.
After a bit of post-production (mainly sound related) we scheduled a party just to premiere the 18-minute long Snot Man 2. It was a good excuse to have a party (by this time, Dom and I were sharing an off-campus apartment). I suppose getting people together to drink alcohol and watch the latest Snot Man movie helped cement the love of these movies in the hearts of dozens of Oaks 10 employees.
That fall, I shot a 20-minute horror film (starring Dom and Karla) for a Halloween party. It's hard to make a scary movie (much easier to make something funny) without coming across as cliched or cheesy. But I think I almost pulled it off with Death and Redemption, about as well as a 19-year-old with crappy equipment can.
Snot Man 2 had intentionally ended as a bit of a cliffhanger, so towards the end of 1991, the calls to complete the trilogy were growing strong. I started writing Snot Man 3 after Halloween for an intended premiere at a Christmas party (or New Year's party...can't remember). As the script got more and more ambitious, I knew I wasn't going to be done in time. I would have had full-fledged revolt if I didn't have something, so I made a 3-minute trailer for Snot Man 3. Just a teaser, really, with the revelation that there would be a new bad guy (I wanted to write my character out so I could concentrate on shooting and directing).
Snot Man 3
In early 1992, I had a completed script for my epic masterpiece Snot Man 3. I didn't know how long it was going to be, but I knew it was longer than the first two combined. The script was a shooting script. That is, I had each shot described. Like a written storyboard. Not sure why I didn't actually storyboard it out. Too lazy, I guess.
Filming was complicated for a number of reasons. The cast was all theatre employees, most of which were also college students. So finding times when the actors were free was tricky. The locations included the mall parking lot, suburban neighborhood streets, the North Florida Regional Hospital duck pond, various apartments, a parking garages, and a few locations on the UF campus. The bulk of the third act was shot at night, so finding locations with decent nighttime lighting was also a challenge. I did it all with the Handycam, editing in camera.
Dom turned in an inspired performance as the new bad guy, Twisted Larry. His death-by-snot was as over-the-top as you'd expect. Of all the principle actors in Snot Man 3, the one I've lost touch with is the main star, Roc, who played Snot Man. I have no idea where he is today. I need to look him up on Facebook.
The final product took about 4 months to complete and came in a little over an hour long. The Snot Man 3 premiere party was one for the ages. The movie was so popular among the theatre employees that our general manager, Chuck Dewitt, knew about it and wanted to see it. AMC had a rule that managers were not supposed to fraternize with employees, and I had at least 2 managers with acting roles in Snot Man 3 (and several more who eventually became managers). So I refused to let him see the movie. He eventually sweetened the deal by offering me a birthday package at Aladdin's Castle (an arcade across from the theatre in the mall). A birthday package at Aladdin's Castle consisted of (if I remember correctly) cake, balloons, and game tokens for 8 people or so. I took it. I let him watch Snot Man 3 for cake and game tokens. I suppose you could say that was my pay for making the movie. His only comment after watching it was "pretty good." As far as I know, no managers received any discipline for fraternizing.
Post-Snot Man
I met my future wife about 2 months after Snot Man 3 premiered, and for the next few years I devoted my energy and time to building that relationship, graduating from college, and planning a post-college life, which involved grad school. So the moviemaking took a backseat. My experiences making little movies with my friends, combined with what I learned in Journalism school, would come full circle years later when I taught TV production at GHS.
No comments:
Post a Comment