So How Was YOUR Weekend?

Friday

Cristina left for Tucson last Thursday night. Her JSJ training started Friday morning. The morning went well for me. Sofia rode to school with Peter, and I got the other two to DMS on time (early, actually). Alex helped set the chairs up in Bella’s classroom. Valerie showed up (she would be Cristina’s replacement) and I headed to work.

I had an ambitious plan for the afternoon. Our cats and dog are overdue for their shots, but I’m trying to save as much money as possible. Our vet charges about $300 for all the shots needed for all three animals. A low-cost vaccine clinic at the Humane Society will cost $119 for the same shots. Here’s the catch: they only have the low-cost shot clinics on Fridays, and they close at 5. And it’s walk-in only. And the clinic is 12 miles away (through the heart of the city). But I decided to try it.

Just to save myself a potentially-futile trip, I called the Humane Society to get a feel for my chances of getting there in time for shots if I didn’t make it until, say, 4:30. I only got a recording, saying they were so busy on Fridays that I needed to call back on Tuesday. Not a good sign, but I decided to chance it.

It went off like clockwork. 2:47: the final bell rang. 3:00: I was home, putting the cats in their carriers and the leash on the dog. 3:15: I arrived at DMS to get Alex and Bella (who were surprised to find all 3 of our animals in the car). 3:47: We arrived at ASA to get Sofia, who would be done at 4. I considered checking her out early, but I figured it would take just as long to go through that process as it would to just wait for her. And I was right. She came out at 3:55.

I had googled and printed directions to the clinic from ASA (like clockwork, I tell you) since Cristina had the GPS with her. We hit some nasty rush hour traffic, but I evaded it as best I could and we got to the clinic at 4:20. Not bad at all.

As I retrieved the cat carriers from the back of the car, I smelled poop. I opened each box to see who did it. It was Ling Ling. The poor thing had pooped in her carrier. I’m not sure if it was nerves, or if she’d needed to go before I put her in the box. It didn’t matter. I now had a cat with poop on her fur.

This created a new dilemma, of course. How do you clean a cat covered with poop? We’ve never had our cats bathed since we’ve had them. Cats are, for the most part, self-cleaning. But I’ll be hanged if I’m going to have a poopy cat running around our house, lying on our couch, sleeping on our bed. They clean themselves, but they don’t clean themselves that well.

Not a big surprise, but we were too late for shots. The lady said they stopped taking animals at 2 pm. Nice. Why couldn’t they have said that on the recording?

We loaded into the car and headed home. On the way, I used the "poor man’s iPhone." I called someone I knew would be in front of a computer to get a phone number.

“Hey, Dom. You in front of a computer?”
“Yes I am. What’s up?”
“I need the number for PetSmart on Baseline and 24th Street.”

According to the grooming lady at PetSmart on Baseline and 24th, that store does not bathe cats. The number one animal people would take somewhere to get bathed instead of doing it themselves, and they don’t do it. The PetSmart in Tempe bathes cats, she said, but by appointment only. I turned off the phone and prepped the kids: we would be bathing a cat ourselves when we got home.

I quickly laid out the battle plan. I would be in charge of holding Ling Ling’s legs. That would be my only job, but a vital one. Sofia was in charge of the water. And Alex would be in charge of shampoo and fur lathering. Bella would be in charge of staying out of the way, and maybe handing us the towel.

I carried Ling Ling in her carrier right up into the bathroom and shut the door. It was a tight fit in there with all 4 of us. We got the water to an adequate temperature. I opened the box and gripped Ling Ling’s legs as tight as I thought I could without breaking them. As I picked her up and moved her into the tub, however, she summoned that magic cat superpower that allows cats to overcome the grip of a grown man. She got a front leg free almost immediately. The next 5 seconds were a blur, but I remember getting her legs wrangled back in before she broke free again. The next time I tried to bring in her front legs I fumbled a bit and she sunk her claws into my forearm. This was not just a scratch, this was full-on penetration, like a meat hook thwacked into a side of beef. I’m not ashamed to admit that I screamed, a full-throated scream that lasted several seconds before I was able to manually pry her claws out of my arm. Bella started crying.

And then, her superpower expended, she resigned herself to her fate. It was amazing. As blood trickled from my arm, I pinned her down to the bottom of the tub. I no longer had her arms, just hands on her back, holding her down firmly. She had no more fight in her. Sofia and Alex just stared. Stunned.

I snapped Sofia into action by telling her to aim the water instead of just letting it spray willy-nilly. Alex struggled with the shampoo cap but finally got some shampoo on her back and worked it into a lather. We rinsed her well and wrapped a towel around her. She was perturbed, but not too angry. The dark water and excessive hair left in the tub was strong evidence that she had been long overdue for a bath anyway. I pointed at Cash, who had wandered by to check on the commotion, and told him “you’re next.”

Ling Ling slinked off to lick her wet fur and nurse her pride. I looked at the clock. 5:30. We had probably just experienced enough excitement for the whole weekend, and it was only 5:30 on Friday. And we still had an hour before our dinner plans with Roben and Peter.

At 6:30 we arrived at the Hand house for a dinner and devotional, which went well. Back home, the two younger kids got to bed late, around 9. In fact, Bella fell asleep beside me while I talked to my mom on the phone.

I checked on Ling Ling to see if she harbored any resentment. She rubbed against me with affection. So we’re good.

Saturday

My ambitions continued. Sofia had a thing to go to at her school Saturday morning. ASA holds an annual orientation/open house kind of thing for prospective parents and students. Sofia was asked to speak as a student representative for the band program, as well as the academic department (golf clap for Sofie). Since the Phoenix Children’s Museum is just a mile or so from ASA, I decided I’d take Alex and Bella there while Sofia did her thing. We have annual passes. The last time we went, Alex took a friend. So this time it was Bella’s turn. Her friend Kassandra lives in Mesa, so we had to leave the house early enough to drive out to Mesa and pick up Kassandra and then get Sofia to ASA by 8:45. The Museum opened at 9. I managed to do all this and even squeezed a trip to Krispy Kreme in for good measure. The Krispy Kreme near ASA has 25 cent coffee. A brilliant ploy to lure you in and tempt you to buy their way-overpriced donuts, which I did.

At the entrance of the Museum, an employee told us that Saturday was a free day, sponsored by Shamrock Farms. Not a big deal, since we have passes, but it meant we would contend with larger-than-usual crowds.

Along with Shamrock’s mascot, Roxie the Cow, Elmo and Grover were on hand for pictures and hugs. Bonus.

We spent several hours at the museum, then headed over to Burton Barr library, where the kids looked at books. Kassandra didn’t remember ever being at that library before, so a ride on the glass elevators was required.

Sofia called and asked if she could go to a friend’s house (an old friend from DMS who is thinking about going to ASA next year). No longer waiting for Sofia, we drove to Marjon’s Ceramics to buy more clay for my ceramics class. It was past lunch time, so I stopped at a little diner called “Tony’s Original Hamburger Factory.” The burger Alex got was tasty, but I tried the homemade burrito (on the recommendation of a seasoned patron who saw me mulling over the massive menu board). The burrito was disappointing. Yes, it was a lot of food, but it reminded me of a tortilla filled with beef stew. I felt kind of gross afterward. The girls weren’t that hungry and shared some French fries.

From Tony’s Burgers to Kassandra’s house was a long distance, but almost all freeway, so we were there in about 20 minutes. After dropping her off, we went home. I left the two kids at home while I picked up Sofia. It was close to dinner time by then, and even though my burrito was still lingering, the kids were ready for something. I reheated some pizza from Thursday night and supplemented it with a few homemade pita pizzas.

After Alex and Bella were in bed, Sofia and I watched 5 handpicked episodes of The Twilight Zone. Even though I had shown her a few episodes before, I was hoping that this would be the exposure that would make her a true fan. She thought they were interesting, and a little creepy, but I don’t think she’s much of a fan. Oh well. I tried. Maybe they just need some time to simmer in her imagination.

Sunday

Compared to the previous 2 days, Sunday was boring. Slept in, made blueberry pancakes, then puttered about the house. I worked on making a DVD slideshow of our trip to the museum, mainly to gain some iPhoto and iDVD experience.

Sofia worked on homework while I took Alex and Bella shopping. We ate at Subway. At Costco I picked up hummus and falafel, so we had that for dinner. Cristina got home right after Alex and Bella went to bed.

I had bought a Boston butt several days ago and it needed to be used, so I found a recipe online for Southern-style pulled pork and got that going. It’ll take the bulk of the next 24 hours in the slow cooker, but at least Monday’s dinner is basically done. Disgusted with the limp, too-sweet stuff they call cole slaw in the grocery store, I made a big batch of homemade cole slaw to go with the barbecue. All we need now is some sweet tea and hush puppies.

Getting the pulled pork ready kept me up too late, and I didn’t hit the sack till after midnight. I knew I’d feel the effects of that Monday at work, which I did.