The Middle Child

Bella and Alex have a trundle bed: Alex's twin bed has a twin-size mattress that pulls out from under his, like a big drawer. That's where Bella sleeps. Every night, Alex, Bella and I lie down together. I lie with Bella until she's asleep, then I quietly get up and leave. Usually Alex is still awake and he tells me goodnight as I'm going out the door.

Alex suffers from "middle child syndrome," like most middle children do from time to time. He constantly feels like Sofia gets privileges that he doesn't (she does get some, because she's 4 years older). And he often fights with Bella, partially out of resentment for the attention she gets for being the youngest. I get it.

Or do I?

Cristina is the oldest of her siblings and I am the youngest. Neither of us has experience being a middle child.

As I lay on the bed last night, Bella was having trouble falling asleep. Sometimes she lies on top of my chest, usually she snuggles into the crook of my arm. Alex, from his vantage point on his bed, watches us snuggle every night. Last night, I had a revelation about middle children. It's simple, really. But I had never really processed it before.

Middle children don't have a hard time because they are denied things that their siblings enjoy. They have a hard time because they constantly witness their siblings receiving the benefits that they once had, and will one day have. They live in this peculiar bubble of time where they no longer remember being snuggled every night, though they must witness the younger sister's snuggles with her papa. They can't think beyond the day, let alone 4 years into the future, so they take no solace in the reminder that when they are 13 years old, they too will be allowed to stay up late and watch movies with the parents on Saturday nights. They resent the treatment of their brothers and sisters precisely because they can't remember or forecast ever receiving the same treatment. And so they feel neglected, like they were left out, even though they too had their time, and will have many more delicious privileges to come.

This revelation made me want to crawl up into Alex's bed and snuggle with him, but it also made we consider another response: to emphasize the privileges that the middle child receives that the oldest and the youngest don't receive.

And if I can't think of any, I'll make some up.

I'll let you know how it works out.

Percy Jackson Trailer

As most of you know, Sofia has been a big fan of the Percy Jackson books ever since they came out. Cristina and I have read them too and liked them. The movie version of the first book is coming out in February. It's always a little scary when Hollywood makes a movie of your favorite book. You want to see it, but you also hope they don't blow it and make a crappy movie. Hollywood has the potential to sully the reputation of your book.

Luckily, everything we've seen so far looks like they've done a good job on the movie. The first regular trailer (there have been 2 teaser trailers) just came out. Take a look.



This is an exciting event for Sofia. I'm sure she'll see it several times. I've already offered to take her to it once, and then Cristina can take her to see it again. I've tried to think of a similar movie experience from my childhood, but none of the movies that I anticipated with such fan fervor had been books first. So as exciting as it was for me to see the Indiana Jones movies, or the Star Wars movies, the Percy Jackson movies are a whole other level for Sofia. She's been immersed in the Percy Jackson world for years now, has re-read all five books countless times. It's pretty special.

Black is the Color

Sofia's fall band concert was a few weeks ago. I've been bad about getting something posted, but I finally have something for you. The name of the piece is "Black is the Color." Sofia is first chair trumpet and even has a short solo at 2:28! We're so proud of Sofia. As I listened to her practice recently, the thought occurred to me that she has already surpassed my trumpet skills when I played...even when I was a high schooler in marching band. Her diligence in practicing (which I always lacked) has really paid off. Go Sofia!

https://youtu.be/KuY8Auc09Vs

Another viral video

I think videos like this appeal to me because it's the kind of goofy stuff I'd do. And cats are just funny.

The price of affection

When I lay down with Bella and Alex for bedtime, one of our cats will often join us. Usually, Ling Ling or Cash will hop up on Alex's bed and curl up with him, but sometimes one of them stays on Bella's bed. Bella always wants the cat to lie on top of her, since sometimes a cat will curl up on my chest. I tell Bella that she's too small. The cat lying on top of her would be like us lying on a bed that was too small, it just wouldn't be as comfortable. She kind of gets it, but that doesn't stop her wanting a cat to sleep on top of her.

Tonight as we were getting ready for bed, Ling Ling got on Bella's bed. Bella squeezed in beside her, and instead of Ling Ling going elsewhere, she stayed beside our heads. Bella snuggled with her in the dark, and Ling Ling purred and rubbed against Bella's head. Then, quietly but sincerely, Bella said to Ling Ling, "I'll pay you to lay on me." I wasn't sure if I heard her right, but then after a brief pause, she followed it up with "I'll pay you five quarters."

Ling Ling did not take her up on the offer, but she did stay curled up on Bella's pillow until Bella was asleep. And that was good enough.

Auto-Tune the News

The Gregory Brothers are a band (3 brothers and a spouse) well known for a series of YouTube videos, Auto-Tune the News, in which recorded voices of politicians, news anchors, and political pundits are digitally manipulated to conform to a melody, making the figures appear to sing.

For those who aren't familiar with Auto-Tune, it's an audio processor that uses a phase vocoder to correct pitch in vocal and instrumental performances. It's used to disguise off-key inaccuracies and mistakes, and has allowed many major label pop singers to record perfectly tuned vocal tracks without the need of singing in tune. It's kind of a cheat, and in the past few years it's been used more and more in rap. In this case, Auto-Tune can even be used to make someone who isn't singing sound like they're singing.

One more interesting tidbit for my North Carolina peeps...one of the Gregory brothers, Michael, graduated from Appalachian State University.



If you like this, they have several more on YouTube.

My Rules of Trick-or Treating

As we walked the neighborhood with our two youngest on Saturday night (Sofia was at a friend's house) I reflected on Halloween and what I like about it and don't like about it.

First, I was bothered at how few houses in our neighborhood were giving out candy. Granted, we were one of them. We decided to walk the neighborhood as a family instead of someone staying back to hand out the goods. So for the first time in many years, we turned our porch lights off and locked up.

I must admit, I have a romanticized ideal of a Halloween-friendly neighborhood: almost every house would have their porch light on, and young children could happily walk from house to house, modeling their costumes and receiving a small treat. About every other house would have some kind of all-out decorations, the kind with strobe lights and fog machines. And children would travel in great flocks with clusters of parents following behind to supervise. When the youngest ones got tired, the family would head home and call it a night. That's my ideal.

My neighborhood is nice. The houses are beautiful and the neighborhood is clean and landscaped well. The houses are close enough to be perfect for trick-or-treating. Yet there were massive chunks of neighborhood with no lights on. What gives? There are many reasons why people choose not to participate, and some of them I witnessed Saturday night. I saw first-hand reminders of why the ideal Halloween night doesn't exist, and maybe never did.

Here's some of the behaviors that give trick-or-treating a bad name:

1. Kids that are too old. What age should one stop trick-or-treating? I personally think kids should follow a natural progression rather than an arbitrary cut-off. For example, when you're old enough to go to Halloween parties with friends, you're done trick-or-treating. That's generally around the beginning of high school. Once you're at that stage, it's fine to dress up and help your little brothers or sisters trick-or-treat, but no candy bag for you, teenager. There will always be plenty of candy from other sources. You can get your sugar fix without embarrassing yourself by trick-or-treating too old. Here's another rule of thumb: if your costume has the word "sexy" in it (sexy nurse, sexy milkmaid, sexy witch) you are too old to trick-or-treat!

Sexy nun? Yeah, you're cute, but don't ask me for candy.

Regardless, we always see a few kids who are obviously high school age (or, gulp, older) running around the neighborhood with bags of loot. And often they're hardly even dressed up. Which leads to my second point.

2. Lazy costuming. My mom never liked trick-or-treating because she saw it as begging. I disagree. I see it as a cultural activity that has evolved into a mutual give-and-take. The homes that choose to participate (signified by leaving the porch light on or having a few decorations) invite little ones to come by in costume. In return, the kids receive a treat. Though the phrase "trick or treat" connotes a negative consequence to not giving a treat, this has become moot over the years. Very few actually play a trick, mean or otherwise, if the house does not have a treat to offer. If the light is off, the house gets skipped. If the house runs out of candy, no harm, no foul. You move on to the next one. Some people forget the give-and-take part of the equation and think that walking around with a bag is sufficient. Or the costume is so lame or hastily scraped together that it's pathetic. Yet most candy-givers don't refuse to give candy to these un-costumed frauds because they fear retaliation. If anyone would tear up your shrubs or key your car because you refused to give them candy, it would be the 16 year old in the throwback Raiders jersey and the Scream mask. When people get fed up with this nonsense, they opt out.

3. The automotive escort. Unless you are handicapped and there is no one else to supervise your kids, get out of the damned car and walk the neighborhood with your kids. Saturday night, the biggest worry I had was if my exuberant children were going to run across a street not paying attention to the SUV slowly following it's trick-or-treaters. It's anti-social. It's lazy. And unfortunately, it's so American. From the country where people drive around a parking lot for 10 minutes to find a spot that's 50 feet closer to the store comes the practice of driving our kids house to house. To get free candy. Yes, it's gotten that bad. It was crazy how many cars there were in our neighborhood Saturday night. Not normal traffic, but people driving their kids to the houses with lights. Exceptions to the rule: strollers are fine, as are wagons for the very wee ones. But using a car or truck to facilitate a larger amount of candy at the expense of a little exercise is absurd. And what message does it teach our kids?

I thought I had a longer list, but it's really those 3 things that bug me about the current state of trick-or-treating in America. When I was a kid, the big rules were things like "carry a flashlight" and "don't eat things that aren't wrapped." But my rules are different: know when you're too old, have the decency to put a little bit of time and creativity into your costume, and walk, don't ride.

Three steps that would get us closer to the ideal Halloween night.